I know I haven’t been here for a while. I’ve been writing and reading, grading and teaching, parenting and partnering: essentially living. But I’ve missed this space.
One of the reasons I pulled back from blogging is because I’ve been working on my dissertation proposal and, like many who have done or who are in the midst of this work, I am struggling a bit. Ok, more than a bit. I thought if I stopped blogging it would help me to focus more on my proposal, that I would somehow write more or be more focused or final my academic voice. Or something else.
I realized after returning from International Reading Association, that I love to talk about my work but that writing about it is much more of a struggle for me. When I’m talking to someone, I can immediately address questions that they have; or if I mis-speak, I can correct myself immediately. When I write – I have to trust my words and trust my reader. That is what is terrifying for me. I’ve been thinking about this as I’ve been sitting in my favorite coffee shop today.
I trust writers all the time. In the past two weeks, I read two books that are still with me. Living With Jackie Chan by Jo Knowles and Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg. They were so poignent and thought-provoking. (More on both of these books soon). If those writers hadn’t trusted me as a reader then I never would have had the experiences that I did with those books. This has happened to me over and over again as a reader. I’m comfortable with that role: reader. When I struggle with writing, I find myself wanting to read something and hoping that it will inspire me. I think what I really want to is to find some kernel of something that gives me insight into how it is that an author trusts themselves and their reader enough to actually put the words out there.
***DING DING DING DING***
That’s what this blog is for me. It’s me putting words out there. I don’t know who everyone is that reads this blog or what you think when you read it, but I put it out there. I hope that people read it and that it makes you think. You don’t have to think the same as me, just think something. And I realize that I need to keep blogging, that each time I publish a post, I’m trusting readers. And also I’m trusting myself a little bit more.
So thank you for reading. More soon…